Monday, June 23, 2014


What is the truth, and can it exist in a relationship between two people?  When you have one person who is determined to live life with absolute honesty, and one person who can't seem to do that, because honesty with others can only come after honesty with self, is it even possible?

I have made a deliberate and difficult decision not to poke into emails or read text messages in the middle of the night.  It isn't as though I couldn't, but I choose not to, for multiple reasons.  The first reason is that I want the honesty to come from discussion, not discovery.  If you catch someone doing something, and they are forced to be truthful, is that really honesty, or just cover up?  The more important of my reasons is that I'm not sure I really want the unvarnished truth.

I had it once.  By accident.  On our first anniversary.  It was my own fault for poking where I shouldn't have, really.  I was playing some game on my phone, and when it died, I switched phones.  A text message came in, and being the curious sort, I read the rest in that string, only to discover plans to leave me.

Of course I was told that those plans weren't true, and that the messages were lies of the type we tell to comfort children, but I never really gave all of my trust back after that moment, seeing that lying came as easily as truth, and still not being entirely sure who was the one who was being lied to.

After another year and a half passed, a torn relationship was darned, though not completely mended, with that comforted child.  I cannot bring myself to read the messages that pass between them.  I fear that anything I read will be the end of things for us.  I'm sure things have been said and deleted that I wouldn't approve of, secrets about me or us that I would rather keep.  I just don't know if I really want to know.  Would I even be told if I decided I did?

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