Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Truth About Stepchildren

You can read story after story in the Grimm's Fairy Tales book, and find horrible things that stepmothers have done to their children.  If you want gruesome, The Juniper Tree is definitely the way to go.  I find it ironic that if you type in "manipulative step-daughter" as a search into google, you'll find story after story of the horrible things that men and their step-children have done to women who did nothing worse than try to fall in love with a man who already had children from another relationship, and try to treat those children as their own, with love and consideration.  Children of today have such a sense of entitlement, that it makes me want to slap their smug, arrogant little smirks off, as they demand respect they haven't earned, or equal treatment with step-siblings by not having to do any chores.

I had step-daughters, once.  I don't acknowledge their existence anymore.  If I had my way, The Juniper Tree would be more than just a fairy tale.  They were horrid.  Before I married their father, they would send me hateful text messages while I was trying to work, and told their father that if he loved them, he would leave me because he deserved to be miserable for leaving town to find work AND HE AGREED WITH THEM.  It really should have been a warning of what was to come, but I was naive enough that I believed they could come to at least like me, if not love me.

Alas, it was not to be.  Any affection they gave was in an effort to twist my honest words into something hateful to report to their mother about how bad their father's house was.  Despite the fact that this woman let her 16 year old daughter have extended sleepovers at her boyfriend's house, we were the "bad" ones for not allowing her to do whatever or whoever the fuck she wanted whenever she wanted.  When she stayed over and wanted to leave for her boyfriend's, when we said, "No," it didn't matter.  She would just leave and go back to her mother's house so she could do it.  Her mother's response when we told her we had a problem with the overnight visits was, "She's on birth control." OH, well that makes everything better.  No one ever gets pregnant and fails out of high school when they take the pill.  No one ever gets an STD or socially ostracized for being "easy" in a town where everyone knows everyone's business when they act that way.

It occurred to me, tragically, and logically, that there is no evolutionary reason I should like your kids.  There is no evolutionary reason I should love your kids, just because I love you.  They didn't come out of my body.  I in no way contributed to their upbringing, since the youngest was 13 when I met her.  I don't automatically love the asshole children of random strangers who act like spoiled brats at the mall, whining about wanting everything they see, and how things aren't 'fair.'  As a matter of fact, I can say with some authority, that if it didn't come out of my body, I definitely don't automatically like it.  I don't automatically like my nieces and nephews either, and I bet most people can't stand that one spoiled kid in the family that belongs to a sibling or cousin.  As someone who interacts with kids pretty regularly, I can get to know them, and like them, but love takes longer, and it sure as hell isn't automatic.  Expecting a woman to love her step-children when I haven't seen many who actually try to build relationships with their step-mothers (yes, I am blaming asshole children, and the custodial parents who allow them to behave that way - if they came home and got in serious shit for being dicks to their step-moms,  it would stop at the snap of a pair of fingers) makes me wonder who is sniffing the paint, and how much they got for society as a whole to have that ludicrous viewpoint.

Wake up, people!  A child isn't off the hook for behaving horribly because a divorce happened and he/she didn't have a choice.  That kid is choosing to be a dick to an authority figure, and it's being allowed by someone.  You think if you teach your kids they can rebel against authority that it won't bite you in the ass later?  Ha!  It is up to bio mom and bio dad to ensure that they protect the step-moms and step-dads from being emotionally abused by kids who want to lash out at someone because of a divorce.  If your second marriage crashes and burns faster than the first one, you only have yourself to blame for not disciplining your kids - and you'll see those results when they come to you asking for bail money five to ten years from now, mark my words.

Mark my words.


  1. This is one of many reasons I gave up on partnerships.

  2. It is a lot easier for a woman with children than for a man with children. For a man with children, when the female ex is still in the picture somewhere, it is either a competition between the new and old female, or a partnership. Rarely do I see the latter. Fortunately, with a woman with a child, especially one who is going it alone, she doesn't have to worry about adding more seats at her dinner table for exes and their spouses.