Friday, May 30, 2014

Getting to Know Me

Hi.  I'm Firestar.  Smith.  Okay, okay, I know that the whole "Smith" thing is a little cliche, but this is the internet.  If I can't be anonymous online, where can I be anonymous?  I figured that since my first name is so common, I could keep that.  I'm pretty sure it was on the top ten most commonly used baby names a few years back, like Jennifer, and Alice, so I went with "Smith" in order to protect myself.  I live in New York and major in Art History.  I have a fiance, and I'm bisexual.  I don't really talk about it much, because I don't feel like it defines me.  It's so much more important to talk about what I do for a living, or whether or not I'm a good person.  The fact that I find both females and males attractive is hardly my defining aspect, and frankly, I'm insulted by people who think that is the thing that is sending me to hell.  For starters, there are plenty of other reasons.  That one little detail is so far down the list, it may as well not even be there.

Let's take it from the top.

1.  I don't believe Jesus is the son of God.  Sure, sure, I'll give you that he existed.  I'll also agree that he said a lot of great things about loving each other, and not being a judgmental dick.  However, my years of religious education unfortunately included lovely chunks of material about Jesus' teen years.  You know, that stuff that was conveniently removed from being "canonical" because some dead guys sitting around a table thought it might make the whole Bible a bit less convincing.  They were right, though.  It sure convinced me of Jesus' being Son of Man instead of Son of God.

So that's definitely #1 for most people, which is why I keep that little gem to myself, also.  It doesn't hurt that I'm so jaded about the way religions run their churches like money sinks, trying to suck up the dollars, but not actually paying their staff...  'nother issue.  Sorry.

2.  I'm closer to a Deist than anything else, but they don't have a church.  Of course, that means fewer imperfect human beings to screw it up, so that's actually a good thing.  I read too much in college about the Golden Ratio to not believe in a higher power, so Deist is the closest I'm getting.  

3.  I'm not actually a very nice person.  I'll give $5 to the homeless Veteran and his dog, but if I could institute controlled breeding right this second to Darwin out the stupid people, I'd do it without a second thought.  In fact, I would put birth control in the chocolate and make people pass psychological exams in order to have children, then if they were caught breeding without a license, and without being able to pass the exams, I would take the children away and give them to people who could pass but weren't able to conceive.  The offenders would then be sterilized.

So yeah.  I'm not nice.  I'm actually kind of a bitch.  Feel free to write me in for president for the next election.

4.  I don't believe men deserve to have names until they earn them.  When I was dating, my roommate and I refused to call each others' boyfriends by their names until they were around long enough that it was worth it.  Guys, this goes for the current round of college girls that just want to tap and run, too.  They don't deserve a name until they stick around long enough without being douchie.  In fact, I had one guy that my roommate refused to call by name for three full years.  Instead, she called him Paper Boy.  For three years.  Turns out that I should have taken that as a sign...

5.  I tried being a lesbian for a while, but it turns out that I think chicks are way too high maintenance. I don't have time for some girl asking me where I've been, when I'll be home, or if I'll buy her something.  Bitch, please.

6.  I'm bisexual.  It's fairly far down here, and honestly, not my defining characteristic.  I think the whole being a bitch thing is much more defining. 

So this is me.  Firestar.  "Smith." It's nice to meet you.  Hopefully, you enjoy my inner monologue which has somehow escaped, and has become somewhat external.  Heaven knows it's scary in my brain, but hopefully this will be as therapeutic for you as it is for me..

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